Dear Readers,
I owe you all an apology. It’s been a while since I last posted, and I know many of you have been wondering where I’ve been. I want to be as open with you as I always try to be, and the truth is—I’ve been struggling a bit lately. As the weather has turned colder and the days shorter, I’ve found myself in a bit of a slump, and the impact has been harder than I anticipated. On top of that, my trusty car decided it had had enough and died on me, leaving me to face an unexpected change in my daily routine.
I’m not one to make excuses, but I want to share what’s been going on because I think many of you will understand. The colder, darker days have always affected me, as I’m sure they do for many of you. It’s harder to get out of bed, harder to feel energized, and even the simplest tasks start to feel monumental. The added burden of losing my car was a bit of a blow. Suddenly, my comfortable commute was replaced by an hour-long journey through the public transport system—a commute that’s five times longer than what I’m used to.
Facing the New Commute
The transition hasn’t been easy. For the first couple of weeks, I was too anxious to even take my phone out on the train to write, answer messages, or post on Instagram. The rising crime rate where I live has made public transport feel less safe, and I found myself watching the world around me with more caution than curiosity. Instead of using that time to create, I was spending it in survival mode, just trying to get from one place to another without incident.
I was paralyzed by the discomfort of this new environment. I felt like I had lost my safe spaces—the car that was my mobile sanctuary, where I could listen to my music, think, and have moments of peace before and after work. Suddenly, I was in a shared space, surrounded by strangers, where nothing felt truly secure. I let that fear control me for longer than I should have, and I recognize that now.
Acknowledging the Shift in My Mood
In addition to the new challenges of commuting, I noticed a shift in my mood. The darker, colder days have always been a trigger for me. I can feel the sadness creep in with the early sunsets, and it’s not something I can just shake off. Some days, it’s all I can do to get through my job, let alone sit down to write or share something meaningful. For a while, I felt like I was just existing, not truly living, and that’s a hard feeling to put into words. I found myself questioning if I had anything of value to offer, and that doubt kept me silent.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned through this journey of navigating middle age, menopause, and the ups and downs of life, it’s that the tough times don’t last forever. They only have as much power as I allow them to have, and I’ve decided that I’m taking back control.
Reclaiming My Time and My Voice
I know many of you have faced similar struggles, and it’s the connection with you all that has given me the strength to push through. I’m going to make a change. I’ve decided that my commute is no longer going to be a wasted opportunity. I’m reclaiming that time for myself—for my writing, my creativity, and for connecting with all of you.
I’m going to face my fears and make the most of the time I have on the way to and from work. Yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable at first, and I’m sure there will be moments where I doubt myself or feel uneasy. But if I don’t take this step, I’ll be giving in to the anxiety and letting it win.
I want to be the person who uses those train rides to be productive and creative. I want to show myself—and all of you—that even in difficult circumstances, we can find a way to make space for the things that matter to us.
What You Can Expect Going Forward
From now on, I’m dedicating my commuting time to writing and posting. I’ll be back on Instagram more consistently, sharing snippets of my journey, thoughts on the realities of life, and hopefully some tips and encouragement for those of you facing your own challenges. My goal is to make my writing a daily habit again, even if it’s done in crowded, noisy trains.
I know that my posts have always resonated with many of you because I’ve shared openly about the rawness of this phase of life. That hasn’t changed. I’m still going through all the ups and downs of menopause, career dilemmas, and those quiet internal battles we often keep to ourselves. If anything, the challenges of the past few weeks have deepened my commitment to this space—to share not just the victories, but the messy, imperfect reality too.
Finding Light in the Darkness
As we move deeper into the colder months, I’m determined to find the light wherever I can. I’m learning that my happiness and sense of well-being aren’t tied to external circumstances like my car or even the weather, but to how I choose to respond to them. It’s a lesson that I’m still absorbing, day by day.
I want to thank you all for sticking with me, even through my silence. Your support means more to me than I can express. This blog has always been about creating a space where we can be honest, vulnerable, and real—where we don’t have to pretend that everything’s perfect. I’m here to remind myself, and all of you, that it’s okay to have setbacks. It’s okay to struggle. What matters is that we don’t give up.
Getting Back to What Matters
I’m excited to get back to what I love: writing, connecting with you, and sharing this journey in all its imperfect glory. I’m ready to tackle this winter head-on, armed with the knowledge that I’m not alone. We’re in this together, facing whatever comes our way with a determination to keep moving forward.
To all of you who have reached out, who have been wondering how I’m doing—thank you. I’m back, and I’m not going anywhere.
In Solidarity and Strength,
Evelyn